Category Archives: Sexual Health

Married millennials still need some sex tips

Married millennials still need some sex tips

2019-02-20

Sex sells … in advertising. In reality, however, many, especially married millennials, lack knowledge in this area and need guidance. They don’t know how to “satisfy” their spouse.

Humans, similar to numerous other terrestrial life forms, are subject to instinctive sexual desires, triggered by certain criteria.

Although the need for sex is mostly physical, the desire for sex typically begins in the mind and travels to the body. When the mind is stimulated by the object of its desire, it arouses the body.

Sex is a basic element of a happy marriage, but it is more than just a pleasurable calorie-burning activity.

“When it comes to sexuality, it involves five dimensions: physical or biological, cognitive or intellectual, emotional, social and spiritual.

“However, in our society, people tend to talk only about the physical dimension – the climax, G-spot, masturbation, etc,” said Dr Harlina Halizah Siraj, professor of obstetrics and gynaecology, and medical education (clinical teaching), at Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia’s Faculty of Medicine.

Sexuality is a lifelong learning process and there is no standard formula that can be applied.

“When we talk about the cognitive dimension, we refer to the brain as the most important sexual organ.

“It makes the decision and the sexual organs (genitalia) will just follow. The sexual organs won’t do anything without the brain commanding them.­

“Next, sexuality is intensely connected to emotions – that is why if you want to have a sexual relationship with someone, that person must be consenting, must have the same benefits of satisfaction, respect and love.

“If you force yourself on another person, it will give rise to disrespect, humiliation, hurt feelings, etc.

“In the social dimension – we don’t have to talk about sexuality if you want to live like a hermit in the middle of an island or deep forest without interacting with other human beings.

“Because humans are social animals, we have to interact with people, but those who feel they are ‘good’ and ‘morally correct’ shy away from the subject.

“Lastly, some people interpret sex as spiritual, but actually, it is your significance of existing in this world – how do you define yourself, do you have people who love and respect you?

“In a marital institution, these are all things that give you identity. We can only promote sexual and reproductive health when we give positive input to all these dimensions,” explained Dr Harlina.

Communication is key

Good sex is due to a combination of factors.

Dr Harlina offered, “It is not just one person feeling good; sex must end up with good outcomes.

“For example, if there is going to be pregnancy, it must be planned, intended and wanted.

“If there is a commitment, there should be trust and respect.

“If the woman is menstruating, the man must give her space. If not, it is not good sex.

“In the beginning, the physical component is important in a marriage and you tend to enjoy the act.

“With time, the physical pleasure goes up and down. Towards the end of your marriage, you won’t have sex as frequently as compared to the first few months.

“But you realise that you can connect with that person in other ways.”

Due to the stressors of a high-pressured life these days, many young couples return home late and fatigued.

There are traffic jams to battle, household chores to complete, children to attend to, meals to prepare, etc.

They fail to communicate effectively or have no time for intimacy.

However, Dr Harlina reckoned the mood can be “set up” during the day.

“Nowadays, foreplay can happen during the day via Whatsapp!” she pointed out.

“Sending your husband a message to say ‘Hey, I’m thinking of you’ is good enough. Then he remembers you.

“You don’t have to ‘talk dirty’. Imagine how exciting it would be to finally see each other after work.

“And once everyone is settled in the house, you can have the whole night for yourselves.

“That to me is the manifestation of how good the quality of communication has been throughout the day.

“This can only happen when you can be totally frank with each other. If one person is not feeling up to it that night, then the other party may feel frustrated.

“Remember that the ‘me’ becomes ‘we’ when you get married, so there are a lot of adjustments to make. Sharing is about giving and taking,” she counselled.

It is definitely no fun when one person is giving or taking all the time. Finding that equilibrium is tough.

We all have to live with each other’s idiosyncrasies and imperfections, so every couple has to find their own secret recipe.

Prioritise your sex life, and have it at least once a week.

Some couples don’t enjoy sex because one partner has expectations, a sort of blueprint.

When that blueprint is not followed, one party feels let down. This is where frankness comes in.

“Women are always at the receiving end; men will have successful ejaculation if they have an erection, but women don’t need to have an orgasm; we can fake it.

“I know of women who fake it all the time because they feel obliged to do so. They think if the husband knew they didn’t have an orgasm, he might be frustrated.

“But those are issues we need to be more open about and this can only happen when you are in a stable relationship.

“We all have sexual fantasies – there is nothing wrong with talking about them.

“Knowledge is important – you must know which part of your body is sensitive to sexual arousal.

“Tell your partner where you’d like to be touched – if you can’t even tell that to your sexual partner, then you’re in trouble!” said Dr Harlina.

Women, take control!

Women always assume men don’t care about their sexual needs, but the professor asserted that they do.

“It’s just that they don’t know! They think by doing a certain act, they can fulfil a woman.

“If you tell a man you’re not happy, he will try to please you. Don’t assume they know everything.

“Men are sensitive and reasonable, but you must know how to talk to them. Telling them will prevent a lot of ‘inconveniences’.”

With plenty of singles currently preferring the no-strings-attached concept, Dr Harlina believed it is a trend.

Men are satisfied with physical pleasure without intimacy, but what is more worrying is that women are also following suit.

She said, “Ironically, you need a little bit of attachment for your self-worth. You need an anchor while you’re flying high or else you’ll be like a loose flying kite.

“I feel the sexiest part of the woman’s body is her brain because men are actually very intrigued with a clever woman – one who can challenge him, but in a subtle way.

“He doesn’t want another aggressive person in the relationship, though there are some men who don’t like clever women.

“This is where a woman has to shine. If she is pretty, but has no opinion, then he would be bored.

“He may start looking around for mentally stimulating women and she may not be attractive.

“Also, you get bored with marriage when things are too routine, that’s why people who are meticulous and perfectionists tend to be more moody.

“At the same time, you cannot be too spontaneous and reckless either.”

The stereotypical woman of the past will never make the first move, but times are slowly changing.

“Culturally, it has been ingrained in us not to say no, but a woman has wants too, so take charge!

“Men can force themselves on us because they’re bigger and can push themselves in.

“If you want it the other way round and your husband is not having an erection, there is nothing much you can do. So, perhaps this circumstance is what makes men always have their way.

“If they cannot get an erection, they can have pathological jealousy and think the wife is sleeping with another man.”

On the recent spate of sex parties that take place in high-end condominiums, she said it was also a phase as young people find it thrilling to take part in unlawful activities.

“We want to belong, to see somebody who looks like us. Give these people time and they’ll get tired of their ‘no-strings-attached’ concept.”

To obtain relevant insights and data to educate, engage and empower young adults in sexual and reproductive health, the Federation of Reproductive Health Associations, Malaysia and Durex Malaysia recently launched the “Malaysian Married Millennials Sexual Wellbeing Survey”. All married Malaysians between the ages of 20 and 40 are invited to take part in the online survey and share their views, practices and concerns about intimacy, contraception, and other related areas. Upon completion, respondents will be given access to download a humorous yet informative e-comic booklet titled Drama Kahwin Malam Jumaat.

https://www.durex.com.my/youth-survey/

Read more at https://www.star2.com/health/2019/02/20/married-millennials-still-need-some-sex-tips/#BoeOcdXwVvuerWDk.99

Sex supplements: Do these things actually work?

Sex supplements: Do these things actually work?

2019-01-30

Naveed Saleh, MD, MS, for MDLinx

https://www.mdlinx.com/dermatology/article/3351

Nearly 200,000 Chinese people immigrated to the United States in the mid-to-late nineteenth century, and some brought along snake oil—a folk medicine made from the oil of the Chinese water snake. Rich in omega-3 fatty acids, Chinese people used it to treat inflammation for centuries. When Chinese workers shared the oil with their American counterparts, the Americans were reportedly amazed with its health effects. Soon snake oil knock-offs were being sold everywhere, and a cottage industry was born.

These inauthentic snake oils, at best, offered a placebo effect. But keep in mind that the placebo effect can be a powerful thing. The placebo effect of Viagra, for example, is more than 30%, which suggests that the brain has a lot to do with sexual stimulation and function. Although Viagra requires a prescription, there are countless non-prescription sexual supplements (ie, health supplements) available at your local store that also claim to help increase libido or sexual endurance.

However, nobody monitors sexual supplements, which is what makes them scary. The FDA warns that these supplements may contain prescription drug ingredients, controlled substances, as well as untested and unstudied pharmaceutically active ingredients. It issues extra caution concerning sexual supplements (they even use an exclamation point in their official warning):

“These deceptive products can harm you! Hidden ingredients are increasingly becoming a problem in products promoted for sexual enhancement.”

claim to help increase libido or sexual endurance.

However, nobody monitors sexual supplements, which is what makes them scary. The FDA warns that these supplements may contain prescription drug ingredients, controlled substances, as well as untested and unstudied pharmaceutically active ingredients. It issues extra caution concerning sexual supplements (they even use an exclamation point in their official warning):

“These deceptive products can harm you! Hidden ingredients are increasingly becoming a problem in products promoted for sexual enhancement.”

As can probably be expected, little research has been done on sexual supplements. Of the many pills and potions being touted as sex enhancers, only a handful have been studied in any capacity.

Ginseng

Ginseng is the most common ingredient included in the top-selling sexual supplements. In addition to being used as an aphrodisiac, ginseng is theorized to improve sexual function by inducing relaxation of the smooth muscles of the corpus cavernosum via the nitric oxide pathway. However, the side effects of ginseng include headache, upset stomach, constipation, lower blood sugar, and more. These adverse effects don’t bode well for the bedroom.

Fenugreek

Fenugreek is found in one-third of the top-selling sexual supplements created for men and is likely safe. Also known as “methi,” fenugreek is believed to improve hormonal regulation, with possible effects on male sexual health. In one study, researchers found that its use was associated with improved sexual arousal and orgasm, with no adverse effects.

L-arginine

L-arginine is the amino acid used to make nitric oxide, a molecule that facilitates the flow of blood to the penis during an erection, and is the most common amino acid found in sexual supplements. It’s unclear, however, whether a pill form of L-arginine helps with sexual stimulation. Moreover, people with heart disease shouldn’t take L-arginine

Yohimbe

Yohimbe is an evergreen tree found in Western Africa. Its bark is used to make extracts, tablets, and capsules, which are used to treat erectile dysfunction. Yohimbine hydrochloride is available as a prescription medication in the United States. Adverse events are rare, but its most common side effects include headache, sweating, agitation, hypertension, and insomnia. Yohimbine is contraindicated in patients taking tricyclic antidepressants, antihypertensives, and central nervous system stimulants.

Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA)

DHEA is a natural steroid prohormone in the body that declines with age. Some research suggests that DHEA increases libido in women and helps erectile dysfunction in men. Other research indicates that while DHEA supplementation appear to be safe, it fails to budge hormone levels.

Tribulus

Tribulus is an invasive plant species in North America and goes by the name bindii, goat’s head, or devil weed. Although it has boosted sexual activity in animal models, no effects have been demonstrated in humans. Moreover, there have been two reported cases of tribulus-induced severe liver and kidney toxicity following high doses in young men.

Horny goat weed

Although horny goat weed (ie, epimedium) has not been shown to boost sexual activity in humans, it is generally safe for use in its unadulterated form, with only mild adverse effects like increased heart rate and hypomania. In other words, horny goat weed is likely ineffective, despite its suspected action as a phosphodiesterase inhibitor and, of course, its promising name.

Zinc

Although safe, zinc, which is also commonly found in many sexual supplements, is unlikely to boost sexual function. Moreover, zinc deficiency is rare, so most people don’t need this nutrient supplemented

Maca

According to animal models, maca use was associated with a boost in sexual behavior (muskrat love?). But it has no demonstrable sexual effect in humans. For the most part, the vegetable maca is associated with only uncommon adverse effects, such as mildly elevated liver enzyme and blood pressure levels.

Ginkgo biloba

Ginkgo biloba is advertised for all kinds of health benefits, including sexual. However, it has no proven beneficial effect on sexual function. Plus, it can cause headache and seizures, and interfere with the blood thinner warfarin, significantly increasing an individual’s risk of a bleeding adverse event.

Ultimately, other than their placebo effect, many of the supplements sold to boost sexual function are a waste of money. Moreover, these products can contain dubious or dangerous ingredients. Besides prescription medications, the only other proven ways to improve sexual dysfunction are lifestyle changes including diet, exercise, and smoking cessation. In addition, psychological causes of erectile dysfunction—due to anxiety, depression, guilt, stress, or relationship issues—may be improved with counseling.

5 Mental Health Benefits Of Using Sex Toys In The Bedroom

5 Mental Health Benefits Of Using Sex Toys In The Bedroom

2018-11-30

Although sex toys may be a 15 billion dollar business, that doesn’t mean everyone is using them. While reasons why someone might not use a sex toy vary, for those who identify as male, sex toys may seem emasculating. Women, on the other hand, generally have an easier time with owning, using, and fully enjoying sex toys.

“There are, surprisingly, a good number of psychological benefits associated with incorporating sex toys into relationships and self-pleasure,” Dr. Chris Donaghue, Ph.D., LCSW, CST, licensed sex and relationship expert, author, and TENGAambassador, tells Bustle.

As Dr. Donaghue notes, many men, both in the States and abroad, feel pressure about performing at “top-notch level in the bedroom.” It’s this pressure that can keep men from experimenting with sex toys, either alone or with their partner.

“For example, the TENGA 2018 Global Self-Pleasure Report found that almost half of millennial men (47 percent) feel they’ve been pressured to act a certain way… this includes keeping quiet about their masturbation habits, hiding their emotions, and pushing aside any yearning to better know their bodies,” Dr. Donaghue says. “This leads them to avoid using toys as aid with partners or their own pleasure, as they think that reflects on their ability to achieve orgasm or make their partners feel satisfied.”

In a world where sex toys and the innovation behind them is truly mind-blowing, they’re definitely something worth giving a try. Here are five mental health benefits of using sex toys in the bedroom.

Sex Toys Lead To More Sexual Satisfaction

“People who have used sex toys report being more satisfied with their sex life across all metrics, including quality of orgasm and quality of masturbation,” Dr. Donaghue says.

The more you explore your body and experiment with toys, the more likely you are to know how to get yourself off — whether you’re rolling solo or with a partner.

According to Dr. Donaghue, Americans report a 90 percent satisfaction level when they sleep with men who use sex toys. As for those men who shy away from toys and don’t use them, that satisfaction level is 76 percent.

Sex Toy Use Helps With Body Confidence

When you know the ins and outs of your body — literally — you gain an appreciation for it. The human body is a fine-tuned work of art. Just the fact that the clitoris exists solely for pleasure is, in itself, extraordinary.

“Those who masturbate weekly are more likely to feel positively about their looks and body than those who don’t,” Dr. Donaghue says. “Sex toys allow you to experiment with different sensations, stimulation areas and simultaneous pleasure points in a safe manner, giving you the gift of knowing what makes you feel good. Then, you can repeat this roadmap with yourself or know exactly what to communicate to your partner.”

Sex Toys Can Help You Sleep Better

Sleep is essential to our well-being. Not just because it keeps us from being cranky monsters, but it strengthens our immune systems, keeps our cognitive skills up to par, lowers depression and anxiety, and increases our libido — or at least prevents it from decreasing.

“Sex and masturbation can assist with insomnia and restlessness,” Dr. Donaghue says. “Since the activity releases oxytocin and endorphins, masturbation can help people feel calm and experience less stress. Both men and women report better sleep after incorporating masturbation into their nighttime routine, and using a sex toy can help you achieve your bedtime orgasm more quickly and effectively.”

Sex Toys Aid In Relationship Satisfaction

“Couples who incorporate variety in the bedroom are more likely to stay together long-term, and be open and honest about their desires,” Dr. Donaghue says. “Trying new sexual endeavors alleviates boredom, lessens the likelihood of cheating, and improves overall communication between partners.”

When we open ourselves up to new things, it evokes communication between partners, which is essential to relationship satisfaction and overall health of the partnership.

According to Dr. Donaghue, sex toys are both a safe and reliable way to keep things spicy in bed. It’s just all about taking that first step toward getting that first sex toy.

“After becoming comfortable incorporating toys in the bedroom,” Dr. Donaghue says, “couples and individuals can continue to explore the sex toy category and what it has to offer.”

Sex Toys Help In Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction is real, and both men and women can suffer from it. This where sex toys can lend a helping hand. According to Dr. Donaghue, research has found that “masturbatory tools” can really help common sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety.

The Womanizer Deluxe, for example, is used to help women who struggle to orgasm. If both men and women can learn to make themselves climax through the use of toys while masturbating, it will give them more confidence in reaching orgasm with a partner, because their mind will be at ease.

Although orgasms shouldn’t be the only goal during sex, as it’s also about the journey, there’s no denying that they can be the icing on an already delicious cake. Sex toys, because of the positive effect they have on mental health, can help you enjoy that journey even more — no matter what the outcome may be.

Sexual Health: Discuss with adolescent children

Sexual Health: Discuss with adolescent children

2018-11-26

Parents should openly discuss sexual and reproductive health with their adolescent children breaking the taboo and social stigma, speakers said at a roundtable yesterday.

Sexual and reproductive health is so important that future health of all individual depends on how they practise it during adolescence, they said, urging the teachers to provide adequate lessons on the topic at classrooms.

Bangla daily Prothom Alo in association with the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) organised the roundtable titled “Reproductive health of urban adolescents” at the newspaper’s office in the capital.

The speakers suggested that the government and non-government organisations should put emphasis on those adolescents living in slum areas, dropped out of schools and involved in work to increase reproductive health coverage in urban areas.

Iqbal Hossain, an education specialist of UNICEF, said many adolescents in the country do not have enough knowledge about sexual and reproductive health. Even, majority of those who have some knowledge do not know the correct information.

“So, we should give them the correct information at first and then guide them properly. Then, we will have to come up with physical facilities like hygienic toilets and sanitary napkins for them,” he observed.

Noted actress Sabnam Faria said, “When my menstruation started for the first time, my parents didn’t discuss it although they are well-educated and my father is a doctor. This happened because our society doesn’t support it.”

Parents should avoid such practices and people of the society should change their mindset considering discussion on reproductive health as a taboo, she added.

Kanica Fardosh, an adolescent health expert of Save the Children, said children in slum areas and those who dropped out of school lag behind others in getting reproductive health services and advices and should get more emphasis.

MA Mannan, state minister for finance and planning, Prof Abul Kalam Azad, director general of the Directorate General of Health Services (DGHS), and Abdul Quayum, associate editor of Prothom Alo, among others, spoke at the discussion.

https://www.thedailystar.net/backpage/news/sexual-health-discuss-adolescent-children-1664827

How Long Do Most Men Need to Reset Between Orgasms?

How Long Do Most Men Need to Reset Between Orgasms?

Porn might have you convinced that men are like Energizer bunnies that keep going and going and going, but the reality is a lot more human, and a lot more realistic: Even at their youngest or most virile, everyone needs some recovery time between sessions.

The male refractory period, a.k.a. the time between orgasms, can last minutes to days, says board-certified urologic surgeon Jamin Brahmbhatt, M.D. After sex, your penis becomes flaccid from neural signals telling your body to relax, especially the organ that’s been doing most of the work (yep, the penis), Brahmbhatt says.

Just like our computers or phones sometimes need a reboot, our bodies need that time as well. The excited fight-or-flight nervous system recedes, and the rest-and-restore system comes forward,” explains board-certified urologist and men’s sexual health expert Paul Turek, M.D.

After orgasming, a man’s dopamine and testosterone levels drop, while serotonin and prolactin increase. “If prolactin levels are lower, his refractory period will be shorter,” says sex expert Antonia Hall. “Other variables include stress and energy levels, arousal levels, and drug and alcohol use—including antidepressants and other prescription drugs that can hinder sexual desire.”

Individual recovery time also depends on your overall health and age, Brahmbhatt says. “Generally speaking, men in their 20s often need only a few minutes, while men in their 30s and 40s may need 30 minutes to an hour,” says Xanet Pailet, sex and intimacy educator and author of the new book Living An Orgasmic Life.

Many of the factors that impact MRP are out of men’s control. But being extremely aroused can shorten the length of the refractory period, Pailet says.

Gaining control of your orgasms can be a start to managing your recovery times.

“My best recommendation to men who want to be able to have sex multiple times in a short period is to learn ejaculatory control, which allows them to still experience an orgasm without ejaculating,” Pailet says. Ejaculatory control can be learned through breathwork, according to Pailet. There are tantric breathing techniques that can help you delay orgasm (and some breathing techniques that just make for better sex, tbh).

Of course, being your healthiest never hurts. “The best you can do is to keep that body of yours as healthy as possible by eating right, exercising regularly, and treating it like a temple,” Turek says. “A healthy body will reboot quicker than an unhealthy one.” That also includes avoiding too much alcohol, which is known to act as a depressant.

Maybe the best motivation to order that salad… ever.

Aly Walansky is a New York-based lifestyle writer. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @alywalansky.

https://greatist.com/live/how-long-between-orgasms

Antimicrobial resistance to gonorrhoea treatments is rising, says PHE

Antimicrobial resistance to gonorrhoea treatments is rising, says PHE

2018-10-25

First-line treatments for gonorrhoea are becoming less effective due to a rise in antimicrobial resistance, according to a report from Public Health England.

The latest figures show that resistance to most first-line treatments for gonorrhoea rose in 2016/17.

As a result, GPs are told to stay alert to any changes to the antimicrobials recommended for first-line use.

The report, published this month, said: ‘The effectiveness of first-line treatment for gonorrhoea continues to be threatened by antimicrobial resistance.’

It reported that resistance to azithromycin (4.7% to 9.2%), ciprofloxacin (33.7% to 36.4%) and cefixime (modal MIC from 0.015 mg/L to 0.03 mg/L) had increased in 2016/17, while resistance to penicillin had declined from 13.9% to 10.8%.

PHE said: ‘Practitioners should ensure that all patients with gonorrhoea are treated and managed according to national guidelines, and should be alert to changes to the antimicrobials recommended for first-line use.’

It also called for ‘regular testing for HIV and STIs’ for men who have sex with men and black ethnic minority women and men, if they are engaging in unprotected sex with new or casual partners.

Anyone under 25 who is sexually active should be screened for chlamydia annually and on change of sexual partner, it added.

Services that provide rapid treatment and partner notification should also be provided to reduce the risk of STI complications and infection spread.

This comes after PHE launched a campaign targeted at people aged between 16 and 24 years old, to raise awareness of STIs.

And a Pulse investigation revealed that nine out of ten councils cut spending on sexual health, alcohol misuse and weight management services, for 2018/19.

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/clinical/clinical-specialties/sexual-health/antimicrobial-resistance-to-gonorrhoea-treatments-is-rising-says-phe/20037643.article

This Bi Visibility Day, let’s hear it for the “B” in LGBTI!

This Bi Visibility Day, let’s hear it for the “B” in LGBTI!

2018-09-25

Today is Bi Visibility Day and this year we’re marking the moment with a brand new mini-campaign focusing on busting the myths surrounding bisexuality.

Bi people suffer many of the same abuses as gay men and lesbians – including criminalization, violence and discrimination. They also have to deal with an additional set of negative stereotypes, such as the myth that being bi is a phase or that bi people are promiscuous, confused, or just seeking attention. Some people wrongly believe that bi people don’t experience violations because they can “choose” to be in relationships that will be perceived as straight. As a result, most bi people fear coming out – even to their closest family and friends.

None of these assumptions are true, but they leave many bi people feeling misunderstood, isolated and at risk of harm. You can help change that!

Click on the link, below, to visit our new campaign action page, where you’ll find a new animated myth-busting video, advice on how to be an ally to the bi community, and a factsheet for those looking to learn more. Please take a moment to read up, watch the video and share a message of support on social media.

https://www.unfe.org/bivisibility/

This Bi Visibility Day, let’s hear it for the “B” in LGBTI!

In solidarity,

Team UN Free & Equal

www.unfe.org

FYI: Masturbating Wrong Can Lead To Sexual Dysfunction

FYI: Masturbating Wrong Can Lead To Sexual Dysfunction

2018-09-18

Do you masturbate? If you answered ‘no’, you’re likely to be one of those automated internet bots; or else you’re probably lying, according to a recent survey on sexual health and behavior. The study showed that for people in their twenties, 84.6 per cent of women and 93 per cent of men admitted to masturbating! But if so many of us are doing it, why aren’t we speaking openly about it?

Why is masturbation taboo?

Why do kids love to put sugar on corn flakes? This is because corn flakes are, well, bland; and this is no coincidence. The product was designed by a medical doctor called John Kellogg – a proponent of the anti-masturbation movement who intentionally made corn flakes neutral tasting as he believed a bland diet would reduce sexual desire!

This idea that masturbation is bad has been reinforced by other ill-informed health professionals of the 20th century. It was said, for example, that rubbing one out could cause blindness, cancer, tuberculosis and a range of other ailments – ideas which have since been disproved. And of course, since biblical times religious institutions have told us that masturbation is a mortal sin. Why is our society so uncomfortable about the simple act of tugging the slug?

Life is chaotic and unpredictable – we all know this, on some level. As a society, then, we experience an unconscious need to gain a sense of control over ourselves, our lives and our world. Sexual urges are natural and inevitable – we’re going to experience them one way or another. But masturbation is an act which we can choose to control.

By portraying masturbation as dirty, bad, forbidden and unhealthy, we are giving ourselves a wonderfully simple choice: don’t masturbate and you’ll be good; do the five-finger shuffle and you’ll be bad. This may be part of the reason why masturbation is a taboo topic: it’s comforting, on a psychological level, to have things set out in black and white and to portray something that we don’t fully understand as being bad.

Why should we speak more openly about masturbation?

Upon reaching a legal drinking age, an adolescent is likely to pay a trip to the bottle store. Ideally, the teen should also get a lecture on how to drink responsibly. The same should apply when it comes to masturbation! Let’s explore why.

1. Sex addition is a growing phenomenon

Can you become addicted to masturbation, or perhaps porn? Sex-based addictions and compulsions aren’t yet counted as official diagnoses in their own right, at least not by the American Psychiatric Association. But that doesn’t mean that these problems aren’t real! A visit to any sexual health clinic – or my own consulting room, for that matter – will show that compulsive porn use and masturbation (which often go hand-in-hand) can cause big problems in people’s lives. It’s by talking about these risks -and creating a space where people feel comfortable to ask for support – that we can combat this problem.

2. Incorrect masturbation habits are linked to sexual dysfunction

Some of us may have developed a habit of rushing through masturbation – we learnt this when we were shameful adolescents, nervous about being caught or overheard by our parents. Rushing the process, however, trains our bodies to do the same during sex; and this can lead to a form of sexual dysfunction called premature ejaculation, which can be extremely distressing and emotionally debilitating for men who suffer from it.

Furthermore, do you use porn to help you masturbate? If so, you’re not alone; but researchtells us that porn actually changes the structure of our brains, desensitizing us to sexual stimuli and making it unlikely that we’ll be aroused by anything other than porn. This can put you at risk of serious sexual health concerns such as erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety.

3. Men feel unnecessary emotional distress

While societies attitudes toward masturbation are slowly shifting (particularly for men), those who do wax the carrot often end up feeling embarrassed, guilty or ashamed from participating in this natural and healthy process. Women who masturbate are potentially at an even greater risk of feeling shame, given the taboo that surrounds female masturbation in particular!

Apart from being unpleasant, these sorts of emotions can cause unnecessary harm. One study, for example, found that men who felt guilty about solo sex experienced higher levels of general distress, anxiety, depression, alcohol use, relationship problems and general sexual problems! However, this unnecessary guilt can be avoided if we’re able to speak openly and normalize this ordinary aspect of our sexuality!

4. Masturbation is healthy

Despite what 20th century doctors – and perhaps your grandmother – have been saying: masturbation won’t make you go blind, become impotent or grow hair on your hands. Quite the opposite, doctors today will tell you that masturbation, especially when done correctly, is healthy!

The benefits are extensive: masturbating can lower your risk of prostate cancer and may improve your immune system; it creates a cocktail of feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and also lowers your levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) which can protect from you from other stress-related illnesses. One study even suggests that masturbating more primes your body and mind for intercourse, meaning that you’re likely to have more sex; and if you know how to masturbate correctly you can program your brain and body to last longer in bed!

In my own therapy room, clients usually become visibly uncomfortable when we start talking about masturbation! Ironically, it’s once they start opening up about this important aspect of their sexual and psychological health that they truly stand to gain from what sex therapy can offer.

As a society, we have come a long way since repressive, Victorian times. Nonetheless, we still have a long way to go. We need to start combatting the taboo and stigma that accompanies discussions of masturbation, so that those engaging in it (i.e. everyone) can make sure that they’re accessing the multiple health benefits on offer!

Daniel Sher is a registered clinical psychologist. He serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs.

https://www.menshealth.com.au/incorrect-masturbation-habits-are-linked-to-sexual-dysfunction?category=Sex

4 Common Sexual Insecurities, And How To Fight Them

4 Common Sexual Insecurities, And How To Fight Them

2018-09-07

Sex and anxiety go together like socks and flip-flops; i.e. not well at all. We’re all a little bit insecure, whether we’re aware of this or not. When it comes to the bedroom, however, us men are particularly prone to doubting ourselves. Unfortunately, sexual insecurities can have a devastating effect on our sex lives, relationships and self-esteem.

What’s the link between anxiety and sexual performance?

Anxiety can trigger various forms of sexual dysfunction. How? This happens because anxiety hijacks your brain and body, generating a burst of hormones and electrical activity that sends you into fight-or-flight mode. It’s impossible to have sex in this state because on a biological level, your brain is pushing your body to fight or flee – not fornicate. We discuss four common sexual insecurities faced by men and what you can do to address them.

Penis Envy

Most men would like a bigger penis, but why is this such an issue for so many? The short answer (ha!) is that our joy-sticks carry a lot of symbolic weight, representing everything from power and dominance to competency and success. We are also told that a real man should be, well, Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones: dominant, confident, aggressive and super ripped.

But nobody is all of these things all of the time; and so we carry a perpetual sense of insecurity, which we project onto our junk. Unfortunately, however, this can lead to serious self-esteem issues and research shows that men who worry too much about the size of their penis are more likely to face erectile problems and premature ejaculation.

Regrettably, there are limited penis enlargement strategies that actually work. While surgery may add a few centimeters to your flaccid penis, it does not change the size of your erection and it can cause serious nerve and tissue damage. Other strategies – creams, devices, weights and pills – are not effective, so don’t even waste your time.

So, what can you do? Keep in mind that statistically speaking, your penis is probably of normal proportions, despite that niggling voice in your head that says otherwise. Moreover, remember that in most cases penis size doesn’t really matter that much: research shows, for example, that only a minority of women are concerned about this issue; and 85% of females were perfectly happy with the length of their partners’ gear.

This means that ultimately, you’d be better off investing your energy into aspects of yourself that can be changed. Like what? You could work on your communication skills and take your emotional connection to a higher level. You could also work towards becoming a foreplay master. These skills will be far more useful in the bedroom than an elephant trunk in your pants.

Body Image Concerns

Body image concerns are becoming an increasingly common source of sexual insecurity among men. Who wouldn’t want to be stronger, slimmer and more ripped? Studies have shown that 40% of us are unhappy with our bodies and a quarter of men prefer to have sex with the lights off as a result.

Apart from negatively impacting your sex life, these sorts of concerns are linked to self-esteem issues, eating disorders, depression and more. But no one should have to feel ashamed of their body and if this is causing you serious distress or getting in the way of your ability to live a normal life, speak to your doctor or psychologist about getting some support. Apart from that, if you’re able to adopt a healthy lifestyle in terms of your diet, exercise and sleep schedules, this may help you change the way you feel about yourself by increasing your self-esteem and confidence.

Worrying About Satisfying Your Partner Sexually

Why are we so hung up on this, especially when it’s not necessarily such a bad thing? One study showed that men desperately want their partners to orgasm because this makes them feel more masculine. So, we’re obsessed with giving orgasms because we care about our partners, but also because we’re caught up in our own fragility.

What can you do? Remember that penetrative sex with an orgasm at the end is not the be all and end all. Rather, we need to focus on creating an experience of mutual pleasure. Sexually, this often means concentrating more on foreplay. But don’t restrict yourself to that: a fulfilling sex life is built on solid emotional foundations. Aim for satisfaction by giving her a massage, cooking her dinner and providing your undivided attention after asking about her day. All of this will ease the pressure and help you to realize that your relationship can be intensely satisfying, even if she doesn’t climax every time.

Falling into the Performance Anxiety Cycle

The three sexual insecurities listed above are common sources of sexual anxiety; and the big problem is that a single case of erectile dysfunction is often enough to make a man anxious about whether or not he can get an erection the next time he tries to have sex. After a bad sexual experience or two you might find yourself deep in the sexual performance anxiety cycle, which is challenging to get out of.

In fact, so many of us are insecure about our erections that in 2017, Pfizer earned $1.2 billion from Viagra sales in the U.S. alone! However, while drugs might work for erectile problems that are caused by aging or medical conditions, these sorts of pills fail to address the underlying cause in people who have erectile dysfunction that’s caused by psychological factors.

It’s common to worry about being able to get or keep it up. But because of the way that anxiety affects the brain, worrying about your erection reduces your ability to have one. Whether or not you’ve actually been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction, the best way of tackling this common form of insecurity is by treating the underlying sexual performance anxiety that causes erectile problems in so many of us.

wning Your Sexual Insecurity

Insecurity is part and parcel of being a man, even though so few of us are able to speak about it. It’s important, though, that we become comfortable with the parts of ourselves that don’t quite match up to what our society deems masculine. One way of doing this is by focusing on an aspect that so many men are acutely aware of: sexual insecurity. If we’re able to heal or at least accept the four sexual insecurities that we have discussed here today, we’ll be able to improve our own sex lives whilst also strengthening our relationships and ultimately become better men by being more open, honest and self-aware.

Daniel Sher is a registered clinical psychologist. He serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs.

https://www.menshealth.com.au/how-to-overcome-sexual-insecurity

Porn Makes Men Think Women Will Do Just About Anything

Porn Makes Men Think Women Will Do Just About Anything

2018-08-29

Taxi-driver themed porn makes men think women will have sex with strangers on their commutes, a new study suggests.

en who watch certain porn genres tend to think that women are more likely to engage in unprotected, rough sex with strangers or co-workers, according to a new study. Many prior studies had examined “the association between porn use and various attitudes,” co-author on the study Daniel Miller of James Cook University in Australia told Fatherly. “However, the nature of these studies made it hard to determine causation.” Until now.

Indeed, past research has demonstrated a correlation between violent ideas and a preference for violent pornography, but it is hard to say whether porn influences attitudes. It could be that porn causes men to have colder attitudes towards women, or that men who already felt that way are more likely to consume that type of porn. More concrete studies have shown that men who watch porn in which condom usage is not depicted are less likely to use condoms themselves.

Miller and colleagues added to this body of research with a study of 418 men, conducted online to allow for more candor. “Coming into a lab and watching porn while a researcher is present is a very weird situation,” Miller says. “Porn watching is a private activity.” Participants were surveyed on their porn use over the past six months, and then shown either a 22-minute video of taxi driver-themed porn (where a driver propositions a woman for sex) or a 22-minute non-pornographic educational video. Then men were asked to evaluate how likely a woman was to except a sexual proposition from a taxi driver or her boss.

They found that viewing the taxi-themed porn did not influence how men evaluated women’s willingness to have sex. But past exposure did. Men who had watched taxi-themed or boss-themed pornography within the past six months were more likely to think that women would be interested in having unprotected, rough, porn-like sex with a stranger or manager. “I was surprised by how many participants indicated that they had watched taxi-themed porn in the past,” Miller says.

“I was expecting it to be a little more obscure than that.”

Miller acknowledges that participants were not randomly selected and are not likely representative of all men as a result — older, and less educated men, are unlikely to respond to online surveys. Miller recommends follow up research look at the effects porn has on the propensity to have one-night stands, and how it influences how men interpret women’s willingness to have sex. “If you are a porn user — and according to surveys, very large segments of the population are — it might be worth considering if porn has had an influence over your thinking, even at a very basic level,” Miller says.

“Are there men who just assume the over-the-top, oftentimes rough, sex depicted in pornography is the norm, even among two people who just met? This study would suggest that this is quite possibly the case.”